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SAVAGE LOVE

By Dan Savage

I’m a 25-year-old straight female. I’ve been dating my boyfriend
for only a few months, but we fell in love fast. He is a caring
person, and I want to make this last. However, he doesn’t turn me
on. It has nothing to do with looks—he’s GORGEOUS—but rather
with the fact that I am submissive and like things rough (rape
fantasies, being tied up, etc.). He is GGG and tries, but he is just
too timid. The last guy I dated used to toss me around like a rag
doll, and I miss being dominated. I talked to my
wonderful GGG boyfriend, and he agreed right away to have a
threesome with my previous guy. I haven’t talked to the previous
guy yet, but I’m sure he’d be into it. This threesome would allow
my ex to do something really kinky, which I know he would love,
and I would get the abuse I need and my boyfriend would get a
“lesson” in the art of sub/dom sex. But… 1. Am I being a
selfish bitch? 2. Is it a bad sign that he’s not
satisfying me sexually at three months? 3.
Thank you!
–Needs Some Abuse

1. You have needs, NSA, and you’re articulating them clearly
and thoughtfully; you’re being considerate and deliberate. And,
yeah, you’re also being a selfish bitch.
Good for you.
You have a right to be a little selfish—we all have a right to
be a little selfish—when it comes to sex. You have needs and you
want them met and you want your gorgeous boyfriend to meet
them. Why? Because you’re a selfish bitch, no question, but that’s
not the only reason. You also want him to meet your needs—ably,
skillfully—because you want to stay with him, NSA. Showing him
how to meet your needs—even if that requires bringing in the
kinky ex for a tutorial—is one way to make that happen. The
current boyfriend agreed to the threesome idea quickly because
he can see that. Take yes for an answer, NSA!
2. Some couples click right away, and some couples take

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